Chapter 55

Returning from the grocery store the next morning, Brianna pulled into her parking spot, noting the new cars parked close by. It looked like friends were starting to stop by to pay their respects. Hope I got enough food!

She leaned her head against the seat and sighed. She was tired. Sleep had not been easy to come by the night before - at least in any significant quantity. By the time preparations were made for the next few days, and everyone got settled or left, it was midnight. Brianna had hardly gotten to sleep when she heard a child crying. She waited, figuring Jon would get up, but when it didn't stop, she'd gotten up. 

She'd found Jon pacing Romeo's room, the sobbing child in his arms. When Jon saw her, a look of relief had crossed his face. "I can't get him to stop. You try."

Brianna had gathered the toddler in her arms and rocked him, humming softly and rubbing his back. Within five minutes, the sobs had subsided and he'd drifted back to sleep. 

Jon's lips had twisted wryly. "Thanks."

A couple hours later, she'd heard footsteps in the hallway heading towards the stairs. When she hadn't heard them return, she'd gone to investigate. The kids had all been sleeping, but she could see the empty room through Jon’s open door, so she'd headed downstairs.....and had found Jon sleeping on the couch in the living room. Even with the fire going, the room had been a little cool, so she'd pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered him. She'd reached out a hand to move a lock of hair away from his eye and he'd let out a ragged sigh. Her heart had gone out to him. 

Then, an hour or so later, Jake had crawled into bed with her and had tossed and turned for another ten minutes before he'd been able to get back to sleep - and let her as well.

So, to say that she was tired was an understatement. Climbing out of the car, she opened the back and grabbed a hand full of grocery bags and wondered if she could nap with the little ones.

"Hey Sunshine, need a hand?"

"Hi Tony, yeah, thanks. Looks like you've got company. I hope I got enough food."

"Yeah, we do. Aunts, uncles and cousins." He surveyed the packed car. "Looks like you got enough for an army."

"Or an Italian family gathering." Matt suggested as he joined them. "Mom sent me to help."

Even with three of them it took two trips to get everything inside. Surveying the mountain of food waiting to be put away, Brianna sighed and dug in.

"Aunt Linda, I'm fine! Really!"

Brianna raised a brow at Stephanie as she stomped into the kitchen.

"What? She's driving me crazy!" Stephanie grumbled, grabbed a bag and started to put food away.

"She's just trying to comfort you."

"I'm fine!" Stephanie insisted.

"No, you're not. You will be, but right now you're not. You're in shock. And when that wears off you're going to crash. Aunt Linda just wants you to know that she's here for you when and if you need her." She eyed the teenager angrily slamming cans into a cupboard. "She lost her sister Steph. She's hurting too. Don't forget that. She needs you too."

Tear filled blue eyes turned to look at her for a long minute, then Stephanie nodded and started for the door. "Aunt Linda!"

Brianna sighed tiredly and went back to putting away groceries, praying she was handling the situation right. She jumped when strong hands settled on her shoulders and massaged gently.

"Hey Beautiful. I wondered where the miracle worker was hiding out."

"Hi Lemma. I haven't seen any miracle workers around here."

"That's not what Jon and Momma C tell me. From what I hear, you pulled Jesse out of a silent funk and got him to talk when no one else could, calmed a screaming Romeo, comforted Jake and shared your bed with him.....and then what you just did with Stephanie. Sounds pretty much like a miracle to me, or as close as I'm likely to see." He hugged her. "How did you know what to say to them?"

"I had a good teacher." She explained. "Dot. She spent a lot of time talking to me about the kids, how they thought, and how to deal with them." 

"She really planned this out."

"Mmmmm." She frowned. "I just hope I'm handling all this right."

"Oh, I'd say you're off to a great start." He gripped her shoulders, held her at arms length and studied his face. "How are you holding up? You look tired."

Brianna grimaced. "Last night was a little rough. I didn't exactly get a good night's sleep."

"Well, you need to look after yourself, or you'll be no good to anyone else."

"Yes, Daddy." She smiled.

"Daddy? I always knew you were a dirty old pervert Lemma." Richie set two huge casserole dishes on the island. "Cabbage rolls from Mom. She's in the living room talking to Momma C." He looked around at the bags still sitting on the countertops. "Although it looks like you've got enough food for a small army."

"The way people are eating, I'm not sure it's enough, so thank you, and thank your mother." Brianna moved to hug him. "How did you get here so fast?"

"I've been at Mom's for a few days." He explained. "Matt kept us updated on the situation." He lifted her face towards his with a hand under her chin. "You look tired. Rough night?"

She nodded. "Yeah, a little. I'll survive." A glance at the clock warned her she'd better get moving. It was almost lunch time.

"Bri, is there any......food.....wow." Jon's eyes widened when he took in the sight of the kitchen, every flat surface covered with bags of groceries or casserole dishes.

"Yeah. As soon as I get this put away I'll put together some lunch. What do you feel like?"

He shrugged. "Sandwiches are fine." Grabbing the closest bag, he started to empty it. Pausing, he eyed his friends. "You guys going to just stand there or are you going to help? You know where the fridge is."

"Gee Swingman, do you get the feeling Boo Boo's hungry?" David grumbled, but reached for the nearest bag.

"Yeah, we'd better hurry so that Brianna can feed him."

"I'll make a nice pic-a-nic basket for him." Brianna pulled bags of cut vegetables out of the fridge and held them out. "Here. Munch on these until we get things organized in here."

"Smartasses....all of you." Jon growled. But he took the bags she offered and bit into a carrot stick. Pulling out a stool, he sat down. At their inquiring looks, he grimaced. "I need a break from....that." He waved towards the living room.

Understanding, David and Richie settled in to do what they did so well - distract Jon and make him laugh. Before long, Brianna was again wiping tears from her face, but this time they were tears of laughter.

Carol and Joan entered the kitchen and stared at their sons and their friends. Carol raised a brow, Joan just rolled her eyes and shook her head. They may have looked disapproving, but inside they were pleased to see Jon laughing.

Joan picked up a platter piled high with sandwiches. "Brianna, I'm sorry you have to see these childish antics from grown men."

Carol snorted. "Joan, she was on tour with them for a year. I think she's probably seen them at their worst and hasn't run away screaming......yet."

"Good point. The poor girl." Joan winked at Brianna. "No wonder she's so good with the kids - the younger ones I mean. She's got a strong maternal instinct....and the patience of a saint!"

"Ha ha." Richie mumbled and reached for a sandwich as his mother walked by on her way out of the room.

Carol picked up the tray of raw vegetables and followed.

Each of the men reached for a sandwich as Joan passed.

Brianna sighed and reached for another loaf of bread.

After lunch was cleaned up, Brianna joined the rest in the living room, sinking down onto the couch with a relieved sigh. A few minutes later, Romeo left his blocks on the floor and climbed onto her lap.

Jon smiled sadly as he watched his baby curl into Brianna and drift off to sleep as she rubbed his back just the way he liked. He had to admit Dorothea had been right about one thing - Brianna was great with the kids, both as caretaker and grief counsellor. And they responded to her. Romeo was a prime example. If he needed a bath or help dressing or eating, his aunts or grandmother were perfectly acceptable, but when he was tired or upset, of all the family there - including him - it was Brianna, and only Brianna he wanted. She seemed to know how to calm him with a touch and a murmured word.

Catching Jake yawning out of the corner of his eye, he started to stand, but Brianna beat him to it, proving how closely she kept a watchful eye on his children.

Shifting Romeo in her arms, Brianna held out a hand. "Come on Jakey, let's go upstairs."

After settling Romeo in his bed, she entered Jake's room and tucked him in, bending to kiss his forehead. She started to straighten and step back from the bed. But Jake grabbed her arm.

"No weave! Stay wif me.....pease?"

The comfortable looking bed - and the pleading in his blue eyes - were more than her tired mind and body could resist. She stretched out on top of the covers beside him and within minutes they were both asleep.

Half an hour later, Jon looked at his watch and glanced around the room, making sure he hadn't missed her return. He checked the kitchen and the office. Finding them empty, he headed upstairs.

Standing in the doorway of Jake's room, Jon had to smile. He'd thought she'd looked as tired as he felt. Looked like he was right. Poor thing.

He pulled a blanket out of the hall closet and spread it over her. A lock of hair fell over her eyes and he moved it aside with one finger. "Sleep well Golden Eyes."

Chapter 54

Brianna took one look at Jon's face when he entered the living room and felt her stomach clench. She knew what had happened before he said it.

"She's gone." He looked stunned.

"Oh, honey." Carol hugged him while Dorothea's sisters cried quietly. 

While his family surrounded him, offering comfort, Brianna left to talk to the nurse about what officials needed to be notified, then escaped to the kitchen where she could stay out of the way of this very private family time, but be available if she was needed. Putting on a fresh pot of coffee, she turned to her own source of comfort.....she started cooking. No one may feel like eating right now, but she was going to be prepared when they did.

Jon stood at the back door, watching the kids playing outside, his parents on either side of him, dreading what he had to do.

Carol rubbed his back. "Do you want me to..."

"No." He shook his head. "I'll tell them." He took another couple minutes to gather himself, sighed heavily and opened the door.

Jake saw him first and came running. "Daddy, you come play wif us?"

"No, buddy."

Stephanie and Jesse approached more slowly, their stomachs sinking at the look on his face and the tone of his voice. Stephanie picked up Romeo and hugged him close.

"Dad?" Jesse couldn't force out more words.

Jon nodded, his eyes wet with tears. "She's gone."

Stephanie buried her face in Romeo's neck and burst into tears. Jon wrapped his arms around both of them.

"Who gone?" Jake asked.

"Mommy's gone to heaven." Jon answered.

"Oh." Jake frowned. "When her tomin home?"

"She's not!" Jesse answered, his voice rising with each word. "She's gone and she's never coming back!"

"Jesse...." Jon reached out an arm to comfort his son.

But Jesse wasn't having any of it. "NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" He pulled away and tore into the house, dodged various family members and ran upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"Should someone go talk to him?" Linda put the question to the room.

The Bongiovis shook their heads.

"Not yet." Was Carol's opinion. "Let him have some time to himself."

"I'll go up in a bit." Jon agreed, entering with the other kids, who were quickly enveloped by the family.

The slamming of the door jerked Brianna's attention away from the lasagna she was putting together.  Her heart went out to everyone in the house. She could only imagine the pain they were all feeling. 

Wiping her hands, she sighed and checked the cookies baking in the oven. She contemplated what she should do. She had no business being there. She was an employee, not a member of the family. But they might need help with something. She shook her head at her own arrogance. There were lots of family members around to help, with more no doubt arriving the next day. Not to mention the staff that were paid to look after the house. They didn't need her. She didn't belong there.

Decision made, she refocused on her food preparations. She'd make sure they had enough to get them through the next day or so and she'd leave in the morning.

Carol entered the kitchen to find Brianna cutting up vegetables and arranging them on a tray. A plate of cookies sat on the counter and the smell of lasagna filled the room. "So this is where you disappeared to. You've been busy."

Brianna shrugged. "No one may feel like eating, but there'll be food ready if they do. I figured lasagna would be easy to warm up whenever people got hungry."

A small smile curved the older woman's lips. "I was going to ask if there was Italian in your background, but that statement tells me there isn't."

Brianna frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Italians coping mechanism for highly emotional events is food. Making it and eating it. Believe me, this will be much appreciated by at least three quarters of the people in this house." She sat on a stool on the other side of the island and set a notepad and pen in front of her. "Now. We need to discuss the arrangements that need to be made for the next few days. I was thinking maybe a roast and turkey would be easiest. People will bring or send food, but we need to be prepared to fill in the cracks. And then there's the funeral. Maybe we should bring in a caterer. What do you think?"

The funeral itself had already been planned - by Dorothea herself.

"Whatever you think." Brianna answered. "I can do a grocery run and call some caterers tomorrow before I had back to the city if you'd like."

Carol frowned. "You're going back to the city tomorrow? For how long?"

"I'll come back for the funeral."

"So.....you’re going to leave my son and my grandchildren alone when they need you the most? I thought you cared about them! What about your promise to Dorothea to make sure her family was taken care of?"

Brianna was surprised at the attack. "I'm hardly leaving them alone when their entire family is here!" She sighed. "I don't belong here right now Mrs. B. This is a very private, family time and I'm just an employee."

"It's Carol, and I thought both Dorothea and Jon made it clear you are more than just an employee."

"That was....before.....and mostly to placate Dorothea."

Carol shook her head. "I thought you knew them better than that. Regardless, I would appreciate it if you would stay. I could really use your help."

Brianna sighed, and nodded. "Okay."

They were deep in meal plans and grocery lists when Jon walked in. Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he bit into a cookie, picked up the plate and sat down beside his mother.

His red rimmed eyes tugged at Brianna's heart. "Hungry?" He hadn't eaten much breakfast and had ignored his lunch. When he shrugged, she pulled trays of cheese and vegetables out of the fridge and set them in front of him. "Dinner won't be ready for an hour or so."

Jon nodded and reached for a piece of cheese. "Thanks."

"Has Jesse come down yet?" His mother asked.

"No." He raked a hand through his hair. "I went up to try to talk to him, but he won't open the door. Dad and Linda tried too." He sighed and bit into another cookie. "These are good."

Brianna smiled. The man did love his cookies. "Thanks."

He eyed her thoughtfully. "You should give it a try. Maybe you'd have better luck."

"Excuse me?"

"With Jesse. You've dealt with him really well through her illness, maybe you can get him to talk."

She was doubtful, but she owed it to Dorothea to at least try. "If he won't talk to you I doubt he'll talk to me, but I'll give it a shot."

Upstairs, she stood outside Jesse's bedroom door, trying to plan what to say. What the hell do I know about helping a child cope with grief? She could hear Dot's voice advising her on how to deal with Jesse during one of their first conversations about the kids: 'he's a lot like Jon, he responds to love and a firm hand. Show no fear'.

Please God, let me do this right! Taking a deep breath, she knocked. "Jesse? It's Brianna. Can I come in?"

"Leave me alone!" Came blasting through the door.

Praying Dorothea was right, she opened the door, and walked in. 

Jesse sat up on the bed and glared at her. "I said, leave me alone!"

"No Jesse, I won't. You just lost your mother. You're hurting, you're angry and it's overwhelming you. I get it. But closing yourself off from everyone won't help. It will only make it worse." She sat on the edge of the bed, her confidence rising when he didn't move away from her, but seemed to be listening. "Honey, what you're feeling is completely normal and expected. Everyone in this house is feeling the same thing. And everyone grieves differently. But keeping it all bottled up inside will only hurt you more."

"I don't want to talk about it!" His expression turned mutinous.

"You don't have to talk about it, but you do need to find a way to release those emotions boiling inside you before they eat you up." She studied his face. It was drawn and pinched, but showed no sign that he'd been crying. Listening to her instincts, she pulled him against her, cradling his head on her chest. "Cry."

"No!" He struggled against her hold. "Let me go!"

"Not yet. Jesse, let go. Let it out. Cry!"

He still resisted.

"Cry dammit! She was your mother! She loved you! Do you not care enough about her to shed a few measly tears at her death?" She closed her eyes and waited.

His struggles slowly eased and his body started to tremble.

She hugged him tighter. "Let go, honey, just let go."

It started with two tears escaping and running down his cheeks, but quickly escalated into gut wrenching sobs.

Brianna let out a relieved sigh and rocked him. "That's it. Let it all out."

When he finally wound down and moved to sit up, she let him go. She smoothed his hair back from his face. "Okay? Feel better now?"

Jesse shrugged. "A little I guess." He frowned. "Still hurts."

"I know, and it will for a long time. But it will get better in time." She squeezed his shoulder. "Ready to come downstairs yet? Dinner should be ready."

He sniffed. "What are we having?"

"Lasagna."

"I could eat."

Brianna couldn’t help but smile. Looks like Carol was right. "Come on, let's go."

At the top of the stairs, Jesse stopped. "Brianna.......thanks."

"Anytime Jess. Anytime."

When they entered the dining room, Carol smiled at Jesse, handed him cutlery to set the table with and followed Brianna into the kitchen. Catching the younger woman's eye, she nodded her head in the direction of her oldest grandson. "And that is why you need to stay. Nice job."

"I didn't do anything. Just told him it was okay to release his emotions."

"You got through to him when no one else could." She smiled. "Dorothea chose wisely."

With that, she picked up two bowls of Caesar salad and returned to the dining room.

Brianna stared after her, then shook her head. Grabbing oven mitts, she took the lasagna out of the oven and followed.

Chapter 53

Over the next few weeks, Dorothea's health deteriorated steadily and rapidly. Her morphine had to be increased more and more and she slept for greater portions of the day. She decided she wanted stay at home for the duration, surrounded by her family, rather than in a hospital, and Jon agreed. He hired a nurse to come in every few days - more often as she declined.

Brianna offered to take turns sitting with her at night, and while grateful, Jon decided he'd rather have her upstairs in case the kids woke up and needed something. He moved a recliner into the room and slept there. 

Family members came by more and more often, and in the final days Dorothea's sisters and Carol were there pretty much full time. It was always a full house, and there were lots of hands willing to help out as needed. Even so, the days were subdued chaos and more than ever, Brianna savoured the quiet glass of wine in the living room with Jon when everyone had either left or gone to bed. Sometimes they discussed the events of the day, sometimes they just sat in a sad, but comfortable silence.

It was a bright, peaceful morning when Dorothea opened her eyes and knew that it was time. She told Jon she wanted to see everyone individually, starting with her sisters and leaving him and the kids until last.

It was time to say her goodbyes.

When it was Brianna's turn, she tried to evade it by pointing out she wasn't a family member, but Dorothea would have none of that.

"We've been over this before, so save your breath - and mine - and sit down." She had to pause and take several breaths.

Brianna took advantage. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. You should be saving your breath - and your energy - for the kids."

"Don’t mess with the final wishes of a dying woman." Dorothea pointed to the chair pulled up beside the bed. "Park your pretty little butt and listen." Weak or not, her tone indicated she meant business. When Brianna complied, she continued. "I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've done for me, Jon and especially the kids. I don't know how we would have made it through this without your help. And I know I can count on you the help them through what's coming. Whether you and Jon decide to stay together or not - and I really hope you do, you're perfect for each other - I want you to know that you'll always be an important part of this family. You're caring and considerate with strong morals and values and I know you'll be there to guide my children through life."

She had to swallow and force back tears before she could go on. "I'm confident that I'm leaving them in the very best hands. And that comforts me more than I can say. We are truly blessed to have you in our lives." She reached out to squeeze Brianna's hand. "Take care of yourself. Take care of my family. Above all, be happy. You've earned it and deserve it."

Brianna had no words, so she just leaned over and hugged her friend. "I'll do my best."

Leaving Dorothea's room, Brianna returned to the living room and stood staring out the window at the river. She would have liked to escape either outside or to her room for a few minutes to get her grief under control, but the kids were next and might need her.

Strong hands settled on her shoulders and squeezed. She turned her head to see Tony - who had arrived from Los Angeles a couple days earlier - gazing at her sympathetically. “Hang in there Sunshine, we’ll help each other through this.”

“Sunshine?”

Tony shrugged. “All the women in this family have pet names.” He paused. “Except Mom....well, not one we’d say to her face anyway.”

Managing a weak smile, she leaned back against him and accepted the comfort he offered.

Stephanie sat in the chair by her mother's bed, tears already flowing.

"Dorothea reached for her hand and tugged her onto the bed and held her close. "Sssh, sweetie."

"It's not fair! I don't want to lose you!"

"I know, and I don’t want to go. But life isn't always fair. But we have to accept it and move on to the best of our ability."

"But...how can I...without you?" Stephanie sniffed.

"You are smart and strong, and you'll have the family to lean on when you need to." Dorothea brushed aside a lock of hair and kissed her forehead. "You are my first born, my baby girl and I love you very much. I wish I could see the woman you'll grow up to be. But I know you'll do me proud - whatever you decide to do with your life."

That sat quietly for a few minutes, each of them buried in thoughts of what they were about to lose, tears rolling steadily down their cheeks. Finally, Dorothea dragged in a ragged breath. "I want you.....I need you to help Daddy with the little ones.  Look after each other. Love each other. And know I'll be watching over you always."

"I love you Mama!" Stephanie sobbed.

"I love you too sweetie. So much. Always remember that."

When Stephanie returned to the living room, she glanced around until her gaze found Brianna. Running over to her, she threw herself into Brianna's arms and sobbed.

Brianna held her and let her cry, stroking her hair over and over. Her eyes caught Jon's, but he had to look away. Seeing his child in that much pain was almost more than he could bear. Spinning on his heel, he opened the back door and strode out towards the river.

Jesse walked into his mother's room, dread dragging at every step.

Dorothea patted the bed. "Come here." When he'd settled on the bed beside her, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "Ah Jesse. I am so proud of you and the man you're becoming. Always remember that and that I love you very much."

Jesse didn't respond.

She pressed a kiss to his head and sighed. "It'll be alright Jess, you'll see."

He just shook his head.

"Yes, it will. You're strong and you've got lots of people who love you surrounding you to help you throughout the bad times." She squeezed him. "This isn't what I want either Jess, but we don't have any choice. Sometimes that happens in life. All we can do is accept it, and find a way to move on."

She could feel his thin body shaking and gripped his chin to turn his face to hers. "It's okay to ask for help when you need it - despite what your father thinks - and it's okay to cry. Sometimes it's the only thing that will make you feel better."

They cried together.

When Jesse returned to the living room, his grandmother reached out a comforting arm, but he shrugged it off and left out the back door, where he stomped to the bench by the river and sat next to his father. Those inside kept a close eye on the two males, but left them alone to grieve.

When Jake was ushered into his mother's room, he frowned. "Why is eveyone so sad?" He and Romeo had been kept occupied in another part of the house, sheltered from the sad happenings that the others were going through.

"Climb up here for a minute buddy." Dorothea patted the bed. When he'd settled, she took a deep breath and tried to explain. "Because I have to go away."

He frowned. "Why? Where you going?"

"The doctors can't make me better, so I'm going to have to go to heaven."

"To be with Jesus?"

She nodded. "Yes."

He thought about that for a moment. "When you tomin back?"

Tears closed her throat and she struggled to speak. “Aww, bud, I can't come back. I wish I could."

"But.....when I see you?"

"You won't be able to see me, but you’ll have lots of pictures to look at to remember me. Remember those pretty books that Brianna has been making for you? But even though we can’t see each other I'll be watching over you from heaven."

"But......Who take care of me? Clean my boogies when my nose get all stuffy?"

"Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa and all your aunts and uncles, and Stephie."

"And Bianna?"

"And Brianna." She agreed. If your daddy is as smart as I think he is.

He considered that for a few minutes, then came to a decision. "I no want you to go to heaven."

"I don't want to go either, buddy, but I have to."

"Why?"

Dorothea couldn't explain it and she finally just hugged him close. "Always remember that I love you very much."

"I love you too Mommy."

She was almost relieved when Carol came in and took him back to play with his toys.

Romeo was both the easiest and the hardest for her to say goodbye to. She didn't have to try to explain to him what was happening - he was too little to understand. That was the easy part. She would never get even a glimpse of the person he would become. That was the hard part. He was also the one most likely to forget her first. That broke her heart.

She played with him and held him until her energy deserted her. When Carol came in to take Romeo, she forced a smile. “Kisses.”

Following their ritual, Romeo put a hand to his mouth and threw it towards her, throwing her kisses.

Grief and regret threatened to overwhelm her, but she fought it back and soon dozed off. When she opened her eyes, she found Jon sitting in the chair beside the bed. 

He smiled weakly. "Guess I'm the only one left." One hand rose to smooth her hair back from her forehead. "You don't need to say anything. We each know how the other feels." His jaw clenched. "And I won't say goodbye."

"You have to. Jon, for your sake as well as the kids' you have to." She gripped his hand. "You've been the love of my life since the day you took the seat beside me in history class."

"Liar. You thought I was I was an arrogant, self-centred, lazy wannabe who thought school was a huge waste of his time and who was never going to amount to anything."

A slow smile curved her lips. "But you were cute - especially when you took off those damn sunglasses and I could see your eyes. Why do you think I let you copy off of me?"

Jon snorted. "So shallow."

Dorothea's chuckle faded into a sigh. "We've had a good run. We made it despite your crazy lifestyle and. We have four beautiful children. We couldn't have asked for more."

"Except for more time."

She couldn't argue that point. "All the more reason to be thankful for what we've had. Not many people achieve that in 60 years, let alone twenty- five." She squeezed his hand. "And I wouldn't have had it any other way. Thank you."

"I didn't do much. You are the one who kept everything together." His eyes filled. "We....I would be nothing without you. I....I'm not sure I can do it alone."

"You won't be alone. The families will be there to help you. And you have Brianna."

"Stop it Dot." He sat back in the chair, his lips pressed into a thin line.

 She looked at his face. "Whatever happens between you and Brianna, she'll be a big help with the kids." She sighed. "But whether it's Brianna or someone else, I want you to love again, get married again. Not just for the kids, but for you." She fought back tears. "I want you to be happy. I don't want you to be alone."

"Dot..."

"No Jon, I mean it." She paused, waiting for a wave of pain to pass. "Don't wait a long time and don't feel guilty. It's what I want for you."

Even though she was trying to hide it, he had been watching her closely and had seen the signs of pain throughout their conversation: the slight stiffening of her body, clenching of her hands, flinching of her eyelids. He would give anything if he could bear the pain for her. But he couldn't. He could however help relieve it.

He reached for the button on the morphine pump beside the bed and raised a brow at her. She grimaced, but nodded. Within minutes she was asleep.

Jon stood and stretched, raked a hand through his hair and headed out to the living room for a break. He'd hardly sat down when Brianna entered and handed him a glass of wine.

"Thanks."

She just nodded and sat in her usual chair.

"Kids go to bed okay?"

"Yes." She didn't mention that she'd heard Stephanie crying. His load was heavy enough.

They sat in silence, comfortable in each other's company.

Dorothea didn't speak again, in fact, barely regained consciousness over the next few days, her sleep often morphine induced as her pain level increased.

Jon rarely left her side. Brianna - and various family members - kept the kids occupied, and left him alone, staying in the background, ready to step in if needed.

It was a sunny late September afternoon, when Dorothea opened her eyes. "Jon."

It was barely above a whisper, but he heard her. "I'm here Dotty."

She swallowed. "Hold me."

Climbing on the bed he took her in his arms.

"Promise me you'll move on."

"Dotty..." He didn't want to talk about it. Couldn't bring himself to even think about it.

She squeezed his arm and his stomach clenched at her lack of strength. "Promise me!"

"I promise." He placated her.

Half an hour later, still wrapped in his arms, at peace knowing she'd done all she could to ensure her family was cared for, she drew her last breath and let go.

Chapter 52

Jon stood at the window of Dorothea's room, watching Brianna wander around the back yard. "What did you say to Bri earlier?"

The soup spoon paused halfway to Dorothea's mouth. "We talked about a lot of things. Why?"

"Something's upset her. She hardly ate any dinner, and barely spoke. She was fine when she got here, so it must have been something that happened in here."

And they think they don't have feelings for each other. Dorothea grinned to herself, then sobered. "We discussed the future and her position in this family."

He turned and eyed her warily. "And what position is that?"

She set her spoon down and picked up her glass of milk.

"Dot? What 'position' have you decided she'd fill in the future of this family?"

Setting her glass down, she looked him in the eye. "The position that will become open in the very near future. The position of mother....and wife."

Jon stared at her, stunned. "WHAT?!" He raked a hand through his hair. "Jesus Dot!"

"Oh, come on! You know I'm right. She's perfect. She's great with the kids and they love her, she's got all the right qualities for you, and you....care….about each other." 

At least she didn't say love. "Jesus Dot! You're not even in the grave and you're pushing me to get married again?"

"Not right away of course. You'll all need some time to grieve. But I don't want you to wait a long time either. The kids need a mother and you need someone to share your life with. I've...."

"That was supposed to be you." He interrupted quietly.

"Pardon?"

"The person to share my life was supposed to be you."

She smiled sadly. "I know. But life doesn't always work out the way we want it to. I know that's hard for you to accept, since you've always gotten everything you've wanted."

"I'd give it all up to have you." He reached out to take her hand.

"I know." She ignored the tears running down her cheeks. "But it's not meant to be. And you have to go on. For your own sake and the kids'." She squeezed his hand. "I want you all to be happy. And I truly believe that Brianna can help with that. I've taught her everything she needs to know about you and the kids. If you decide you want someone else, fine, but give her a chance. Don't write her off just because I set you up."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Just think about it."

Jon sighed and turned back to the window, his gaze once again locked on the woman watching the Navesink flow slowly by.

Brianna had no idea how long she'd been wandering the grounds. When the sun started to set, she sat down on the bench, staring at the river, but not really seeing it. Dorothea's revelations had shocked her, but if she really thought about it, she shouldn't have been surprised. She'd suspected from the beginning that there was more to her 'suggestion' than Brianna providing an outlet for Jon's sexual needs. But his wife! The whole 'dying wife picking her successor' thing was a little creepy.....okay, more than a little, but knowing Dorothea as she did now, she should have expected something like this. She understood the thinking and feeling behind it, but.... Now if only I knew what to do about it! Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes and sighed.

Jon heard the sigh and agreed wholeheartedly. Even after all their years together, his wife could still surprise him occasionally. That she wanted him to move on and be happy - or at least try to be - didn't surprise him. That she had actually picked out his next wife, did. He couldn't fault her taste, but he hated his future being planned by someone else. He sat on the bench next to Brianna. "Hey."

She opened her eyes. "Hey."

"Jake wants you to read their bedtime story tonight."

Briana smiled and nodded. "Okay."

"This.....plan…of Dot's.....about our future...."

"I swear I didn't know anything about it until this afternoon." Brianna rushed to assure him she wasn't involved.

"I know."

"And please don't think for a minute that I expect you to go along with it....after."

"I know."

"Or that I'm thinking that way or that it's what I want, or..."

"Bri, relax! It's okay. I know this has nothing to do with you. It's Dot's way of trying to look after the kids and I."

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

Finally, Brianna reached out and laid her hand on his. "How are you holding up?"

His fingers curled around hers and he shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Liar."

He gave a snort of laughter. "You've been hanging out with Dot too long. I can never lie to her either." He sighed. "I'm......okay."

She didn't believe him, but didn't push it. He'd talk when he was ready.

He looked down at their joined hands. "It's......hard....watching her fade away." He took a deep breath. "But I've accepted that I'm going to lose her. I'll be okay."

Sure you have. And pigs can fly. But she didn't call his bluff. The time to face reality would come soon enough. She changed the subject. "I picked up the mail at the office. There's a few letters we should deal with. And I got a message from Craig. He would like to talk to you when you feel up to it. It's about potential new players and a few financing issues."

Jon nodded. "I'll call him tomorrow. Do we have the info on the players?"

"Yes, I brought that too."

They continued to talk business until Carol came out.

"Brianna, the boys are all bathed and ready for bed....and their story."

Brianna nodded and rose to head inside.

Carol watched her go and squeezed her son's shoulder. "I like her. She's good for you - all of you."

Jon eyed his mother suspiciously. "Have you been talking to Dot?"

"About what dear?"

"Never mind." Some things he was better off not knowing.

Upstairs, Brianna settled on Jake's bed, Romeo on her lap and opened the book Jake had chosen - 101 Dalmations. By the time the puppies were rescued and Cruella foiled, both little boys were sound asleep. She tucked them both in and started for the stairs.

As she passed Stephanie's room, she heard her name being called and stopped. "Yes?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure." Entering the room, Brianna sat on the end of the bed. "What's on your mind?"

"You talked to Mom this afternoon, right?"

"Yes."

Stephanie looked down at her hands toying with a blanket. "She's......getting worse, isn't she."

"I'm afraid so. But she isn't in pain."

"Will you be here? 'Til she...goes?" Blue eyes filled with tears.

"Do you want me to be?"

She nodded, her bottom lip beginning to quiver. "Please."

Brianna shifted to take her into her arms. "I'll be here as long as you need me to be."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise." Brianna assured her.

When Stephanie had calmed, Brianna headed downstairs, sighing heavily at the pain enveloping the household. Carol was in the foyer gathering her purse and keys.

"You heading home Mrs. B?"

Carol turned. "Yes. Now that you're here to look after them, I'd better go check on John. And please call me Carol." She gave Brianna a considering look. "After all, you're part of the family now." She opened the door. "Call me if you need me. See you later."

"Bye." Brianna stared after the older woman, unsure whether she meant the Jovi family or the Bongiovi family. The way the day had gone she was pretty sure she didn't want to know. She needed to stop thinking about Dorothea's plan and focus on helping this family through what was coming.

She blew out a breath and prayed she had the emotional strength to see it through.